LotR Song Filks
by Talissa
Summary: Just a couple of songs I've rewritten LotR style. I'll keep adding them as I come up with new ones. Hope you enjoy them *g* (Rated PG just to be safe)
1. I Just Can't Wait To Be King

I Just Can't Wait To Be King – LotR style 

**Aragorn:** I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware  
  
**Elrond:** Well, I've never seen a king of men with quite such dirty hair.  
  
**Aragorn:** I'm gonna be a better lord than poor old Denethor.  
I'm brushing up my sword-swing tricks, I'm knocking on Sauron's door.  
  
**Elrond:** Thus far, a rather uninspiring thing...  
  
**Aragorn:** Oh, I just can't wait to be king!  
  
**Elrond:** You've rather a way to go, young Strider, if you think...  
  
**Aragorn:** No one saying, "save him."  
  
**Elrond:** Now, when I said that...  
  
**Arwen:** No one saying, "go there."  
  
**Elrond:** What I meant was....  
  
**Aragorn:** No one saying, "dump her."  
  
**Elrond:** But look, you don't realise...  
  
**Arwen:** No one saying, "wash your hair."  
  
**Elrond:** But it needs washing!  
  
**Aragorn:** Free to battle orcs all day!  
  
**Elrond:** Now, I have no problems with that...  
  
**Arwen:** Always free to go or stay!  
  
**Elrond:** I think it's time that you and I arranged a man-to-elf  
  
**Aragorn:** Kings don't need advice from some old race put on the shelf  
  
**Elrond:** If this is where the mortal race is headed, count me out!  
Out of business, out of Middle Earth! I wouldn't hang about!  
This land's becoming quite a crazy thing.  
  
**Aragorn:** Oh, I just can't wait to be king!  
  
*cool instrumental bit*  
  
**Aragorn:** See me up in Mirkwood  
See me down in Rohan  
Everywhere I go I've  
Got myself a new fan  
  
**Elrond:** Not yet!  
  
**Chorus:** Let every being add in to this rave  
Let's hear it on the plains and in the caves  
A great big cheer for Aragorn the Brave!  
  
**Aragorn and Chorus:** Oh I/he just can't wait to be king! (3 times)


	2. The Orcjack Song

The Orcjack Song 

*Four hobbits standing around dressed like the lumberjacks in the sketch, with Aragorn out the front*  
  


ARAGORN:   
I'm a lumberjack...  
  


MERRY:  
Hey! I happen to like trees, Strider!  
  


PIPPIN:  
Yeah! Can't you cut down something else? Orcs maybe?  
  
ARAGORN:  
*muttering* Everyone's a critic! Just because they've spent an entire film hanging around with Treebeard, they think they're suddenly the experts on trees.  
*singing, glaring at Merry and Pippin*  
I'm an Orcjack, and I'm okay.   
I sleep all night and I work all day.   
HOBBITS:   
He's an orcjack, and he's okay.   
He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
ARAGORN:   
I cut down orcs. I kiss my horse.   
I find a track or three.   
And often I start thinking   
Of the king I'm meant to be!   
HOBBITS:   
He cuts down orcs. He kissed his horse   
He finds a track or three.   
And often he starts thinking   
Of the king he's meant to be!   
He's an orcjack, and he's okay.   
He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
ARAGORN:   
I cut down orcs. I skip and jump.   
I like to press wild flowers.   
I put on women's clothing   
And hang around in bars.  
LEGOLAS:  
*poking his head in*  
That was you I saw in that bar? And here I was thinking it was Arw....another person *blushes* Hmmm......Are you doing anything on Friday night, by any chance?  
ARAGORN:  
Not now, Legolas....Incidentally, no, I'm free. Carry on, Halflings.  
HOBBITS:  
*after much whispering and giggling*   
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.   
He likes to press wild flowers.   
He puts on women's clothing   
And hangs around in bars?!   
He's an orcjack, and he's okay.   
He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
ARAGORN:   
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,   
Suspendies, and a bra.   
I wish I'd been a girlie,   
Just like my dear Papa.   
HOBBITS:   
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,   
Suspendies, and.... a bra?!   
ARWEN:   
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!   
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!   
*flees in tears*  
ARAGORN:  
*considers following, but just shrugs and motions to the hobbits, who are now in hysterics, to carry on*  
He's an orcjack, and he's okay.   
He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
He's an orcjack, and he's okaaaaay.   
He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
*curtains close*  
SAM:  
*rushes in front of the curtain and grabs the microphone*  
Hey, I want a go of this!  
*sings*  
I cut down orcs. I eat my lunch   
After breakfast down at Bree.   
And sometimes I have crumpets   
And buttered scones for tea.  
HOBBITS:  
Tea!!!!! I knew I'd forgotten something! Quick! we have to get to the kitchen before Gandalf gets in there!  
SAM:  
*disappears at the mention of tea as quickly as Bilbo at his birthday party*


End file.
